Saturday, May 21, 2011

A Monologue Straight from the Mouth of My Mother

*sneezing uncontrollably*

Sorry, it's the Lysol.

You know, we've had four houseguests for a week. What I mean is, each seminarian uses five or six electrical devices. It's a HUGE LOAD. And the electrical system just couldn't take it. So we've got Father Luigi. Don't you think that's quite a name for a South African seminarian from Sudan? He's 6'6" and he says things are pretty rough over there right now. They just bombed a Coptic church in Egypt. Until about a month ago, he hadn't been in contact with his family for eighteen years. Well they thought he was dead. He was a big soccer star, you know, and they thought he was dead. And he talked to them finally, and they found out he's alive, and now he's here, to buy 50 bicycles.

His friend is here next week, so he'll have to sleep on the couch. It's a pretty big couch, but I don't know if it can handle his length!

And now here's something I bet you didn't know: the baby had a fever of 104. 104. They went first thing in the morning to the doctor, but of course by the time they got there the fever had passed. So I went to the Botanical Gardens, and they're having their Asian Festival. You know, tai chi, kites, fireworks, tae kwon do, a lot of Chinese culture. So I walked around taking pictures. I took more than 750 pictures.

Well, most of them weren't usable. I had the motion setting turned on on my camera, but it obviously didn't work. I still got a lot of crotches, though.

It was 88 degrees today.


Whimsy said...

Your mother is a one-person reality show.

Patricia Lockwood said...

Everyone's mother is a one-person reality show, I feel

beth coyote said...

Wow. I believe every word because you can't make this up. Your mother is an experimental poet and you are one helluva lucky gal to be exposed to her, um, sartorial meanderings.

Wow, I'm in awe. It's like she has ping-pongs in her head.

Admiral Farragut said...

I think that any art galleey would love to display an installation of 750 crotches.