She Fingers Her Pearls, She Begins Private Browsing

As you can probably imagine, I get a richness of good search strings here. Creature porn. Bat erections. Babes getting creamed internally by animals. (So close to the singularity, these last two. I think we'd all like to see a babe getting creamed internally...by a bat erection.) Yet occasionally a quieter search string captures my attention. Today it was "elegant sex." Oh, how sad for you to desire elegant sex and end up here. At the same time, who searches for that? Grace Kelly's juicy ghost?

On Balance: GOOD Day

BAD day because: I finally lugged the last two boxes of books upstairs and discovered that a certain kreechur believes that literature is delicious and good to go bathroom on.

GOOD day because: Boston Review took a poem. Boston Review! You are the opposite of roaches.

Next Year's Costume: Sexy Rockbiter Jr.

The scariest thing is tardiness, so here is my Hallowe'en post for you! I know actually no one in my new town, so I spent the day watching the following terrifying films:

KLUTE: Jane Fonda is the scariest prostitute of all time, because she hates America

BLACK NARCISSUS: It is so scary when the nun buys all that makeup

THE NEVERENDING STORY II: Well...see for yourselves. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a hole in the internet and I am here to fix it. PROBLEM: Fewer pictures of Rockbiter Jr. online than is necessary to ensure the total happiness of the human race. SOLUTION: Me on all fours in front of the television for like an hour, painstakingly pausing and unpausing two minutes of film.

In Georgia, Happiness Can Be Purchased for Two Dollars at the Local Goodwill

You are asking yourself what is the news? The news is this: we moved our bodies into a miniature apartment in Savannah, Georgia, and busied ourselves making it homey.

Fuck you, SCAD students, I have my own ideas about design! You're looking at a limited edition Anne Geddes Leopard Baby just straight up nailed to the wall. Priceless! That shit is discontinued! Anyway, all praise to a city that provides me with boerewors to eat while reading the 1978 Harlequin classic To Tame a Vixen, set on the South African veld. Whenever possible I try to harmonize what I eat with what I read. Imagine my UTTER DISGUST when I finally managed to scare up a Big Turk to devour during the relevant portions of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Anyway, the best thing about living in Georgia IS THE POLITICS. Politicians here love nothing more than putting disparaging rat art into their campaign videos, and why? It must be because they love me.

I Will Be Honest, I Did Not Spend Much Time on This Drawing At All

This violent visual...handjob, given by Art to the English language, hangs in splendor on the wall of the local Panera Bread. Question for the artist: WHY DID YOU HAVE THIS IDEA? Every day of my life I encounter more people who are confused about the minimum requirements of a pun. It is not enough, for instance, to write, "a stitch in time saves dog," above a drawing of a crying dog getting his foot sewed back on. Or wait a minute, maybe it IS enough! I can't not make a pun even when I try!
Pretty sure they have butts like that.

Do you have a need to be entertained? Do you like luxury? I'm up this week on Linebreak, and Corrie Williamson is saying me out loud continually. What a powerful feeling, to fill up her voice with little red dogs!

Lately I have been a crystal dish filled only with the cat food Work, but the cat is galloping toward me and the cat is very hungry. In five days I will be licked clean! Wait for me.