Thursday, September 29, 2011

If You Are Gonna Post a Photo of Yourself, Why Not ... Post ALL the Photos of Yourself

PEOPLE.
EVERYTHING HAPPENED 
WHILE I WAS AWAY

My little sister got married and I was
a Bridesmaid

The night of the rehearsal I looked normal

THE DAY OF THE WEDDING I DID NOT

Look at that rat

She is a rat who is hungry for Bride

And then of course I fell down:


It happens at about minute 2:14

YES that was a Hummer Limo
why would I NOT 
ride in a Hummer Limo
every second of my goddamn life

What are you, jealous

Now let us Refresh our Palates
with some Boxcar Children Art

Oh no

The perpetually-five-year-old
dumdum Benny is completely 
overwhelmed by cupcakes

He scream to know how many cupcake
there are in the world

THEN

I did a reading with Lemony Snicket
IN A VETERAN'S HALL
and this is the only photographic
proof anyone has of the event 
what is WRONG with me

I am a angel from heaven
and my big chubby knee is coming
to kill you Daniel Handler

(Buy his books he loves poetry
and carries poems in his wallet)

I hate you

I am the Devil

I think here I was trying to fake cry. 
Crocodile tears
of the Tricky Filthy One

EVERYTHING HAPPENED
AND THEN IT WAS OVER

THE END

7 comments:

carrie murphy said...

holy shit that wedding picture is hilarious. also i like both print dresses you're wearing.

Patricia Lockwood said...

Awwww thank you my treasure -- that is actually the first yellow or yellowish dress I have ever owned because I thought I couldn't wear yellow

AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO WEAR YELLOW

Ivy said...

Teehee, I think that's one of the funniest wedding photos I've seen. :-D Also yellow isn't easy. There's green-y yellow and orange-y yellow, which I think yours is, and looks good paired with the black splashes. The end.

wv: botom

Whimsy said...

You are a darling little pixie.

But remember, you're in all those Important Journals now, and then there's the book, and the readings and such and the imminent Fame, so you may have to start looking all dour and puckery like Louise Gluck (which has an umlaut, but God knows where it is on this keyboard).

I love the Technicolor Big Hollywood intro to that movie.

Hugs,
J

Patricia Lockwood said...

Ivy, the photographer specifically instructed us to pose "as dinos." That was my attempt

lol Whimsy what I actually am is a psycho

scraps said...

Please consider holding your next reading inside a HUMMER LIMO.

beth coyote said...

I'm so glad I came and checked on you. Have you considered reading in a RETIREMENT COMMUNITY? Or a homeless shelter.

They need your words of healing and your fashion sense.

Really. And your devil face with claws.

X Beth