Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I read Misty of Chincoteague when I was a child -- even lacking as I did that nine-year-old desire to bareback a pony any pony -- but it must not have been this edition or else I would be dead today, so squarely does the horse's ass of it sit on you.


IS THIS WHAT HAVING A HORSE DOES TO A WOMAN. I'm going to make a bold claim: this is the largest most encompassing horse's ass that has ever appeared on paper. It almost seems to spread, or to change shape from second to second like a cloud, now seeming to shift into a president, now seeming to shift into a hippopotamus. Never seeming to shift into a horse. A column of tail pours out of it like a column of terrible light; it is the light that no one wants to see by! Also, my sense of humor generally sees no place for base scatology, but here I will make an exception, BECAUSE. What unspeakable vantage point is this? I feel like the picture was composed to put the viewer in the exact position of a magnificent dump the horse just dropped; it says you are the magnificent dump of a horse, this is the view you get always. 

HORSE BOOKS ARE DANGEROUS FOR YOUNG GIRLS TO READ. They teach them about sex, and how to sit hard on an animal that sooner or later is going to whinny. And here is a horse book that goes even further, and teaches a lesson deeper and darker: that all of us one day will be spread in the fields. The foal stares at us, youthful as we are not youthful, her back legs as yet the legs of a ballerina who has mated with a drumstick. The reader alone is a crap, and it knows: the teeth and the chew they will come for her too.


Radish King said...

My ass looks like that now after eating nothing but pizza and potatoes on my recent trip. Imagine my shock to find that vegetarians were unheard of in the Midwest Lands and there is no such thing as FRESH FRUIT in the Land of Lincoln.

Rebecca the Large

wv : amingd : how Amish children curse

Michael Robbinssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss said...

That's not true, I just ate a banana, what, I had it flown in from [place where bananas grow wild, don't look at me]?

Radish King said...

But is a banana really a fruit? I mean really? I think it's a vegetable oddly shaped or a spongy seedpod.
Rebecca, Master Gardener

Patricia Lockwood said...


A+ Patricia, good work

Radish King said...

Oh HO! That's where the flying nun lives. I found out that they're actually herbs. Or tiny trees. And that they are super good on peanut butter sandwiches. And that they have appeal. I mean a peel! HAHAHAHA!

***scurries off with giant bottom in tow***

Snibbor Leahcim said...


Patricia Lockwood said...

Rebecca say banana puns at me until the sun goes down

Snibbor no one has ever got here searching that, but now I suppose they will

beth coyote said...

I was that girl who loved horses. I rode 'em, I drew 'em, I had unnatural thoughts about 'em. Then one day I was thrown and landed on my ass in the bushes. So I broke up with horses. forever. Until your picture and it all flooded back. The sights! The smells! The large piles of dookey!