Uncool things I have done so far:
Called my mom
Read the poem out loud in my mirror for like an hour pretending to be Famous
Uncool thing I am about to do:
HAVE A PARTY
Okay, this is what the issue looks like. When your first issue of Poetry comes and there's an evil little wolf on the cover you throw a party, period, no arguments. I'm about two seconds, no lie, from getting this wolf tattooed on my face:
My poem is called "The Church of the Open Crayon Box" and it's about crayons and The Frontier and hunter-trappers and horses and and pinewoods and log cabins. There is a man named "Whitey BaLavender" in it. I put a man named Whitey BaLavender inside Poetry. Why did they let me? Pity is the most likely answer, and that milkiest of human milk called Kindness.
As you know, all parties start with a question, like what do you want to drink, or would you mind taking off your shoes, or did you put your key in the bowl. So here is my question: Did you know that crayons look so freaky now?
MORPH PHOTOS INTO A CARTOON CHARACTER. Well there goes the rest of my day.
You know I love to decorate for a party! Um let's see what fun decorations do I have lying around:
NOT a line from the poem, sadly
Why would a person even do this
Do you like how the letters get progressively darker
and bolder because I am insane
Obviously I made a crown to wear for the party, did you think I wouldn't? I tried to put some crayon antlers on this crown because there is a deer in the poem but Physics wouldn't let me, so I consoled myself with a frontal sunburst of radiant gold:
This is the closest thing to a Frontier Outfit I had. I swore there were horses all over this shirt but on closer inspection it seems they're actually unicorns. I guess dreams do come true!
This one has Basement Photoshoot written all over it
Nice pose, genius
There is nothing I could say that would make this Okay
JUST DEAL WITH IT
Then I got the idea to pretend to be throwing up the wolf, and that was rather more elegant, I know you'll agree:
Next I was going to post pictures of me taking shots of corn whiskey out of the skull of a jackrabbit because that's what you do at a Frontier Party, but I don't even know what corn whiskey is and I couldn't find the skull of a jackrabbit and it's only eleven in the morning anyway so why don't you just imagine that one!
THANK YOU POETRY
I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN
I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, FOREVER