Friday, January 07, 2011


A ghost is writing this, I am a ghost! I haven't breathed in eleven days because I inhaled ANOTHER germ somehow and got sick again and just laid down on the couch for good. Now I know all about television, most especially a show called ANCIENT ALIENS which I made into a poem for you:

ANCIENT ALIENS: 10PM Thursdays on the History Channel

Cloud shadows racing over Stonehenge

Cloud shadows racing over a Mayan pyramid

Cloud shadows racing over the Great Wall of China

Reenactment of natives shading their eyes against
an unbelievable brightness—what are they so scared of? Aliens

Footage of whirling galaxies

Closeup of a rain-stained gargoyle


A professor of aliens appears, he speaks, “Am I saying
it was definitely aliens? No. Am I saying
there's a chance it was definitely aliens? YES”

Footprints disappearing up a sand dune

Sped-up crowd in downtown Tokyo at night

A butterfly lands in slow motion on the Rosetta Stone

Reenactment of a druid baring his chest while lightning flashes

[Crack of thunder]

Slow movement of a camera over a photograph to make the people seem alive

Is it possible that Ken Burns learned this technique...from aliens?

Glowing numbers and symbols swirl across the screen for no reason

Is this what it's like to be inside a mind...inside the mind of an alien

My Suggestions for Future Shows

Simulation of an atom bomb blowing up an Easter Island statue
while Hitler laughs and laughs, the camera pans down
and you see that “Hitler” is actually a hat that an alien is wearing

Simulation of JFK being stabbed with the point of a sundial,
an alien is doing it but he is dressed as an Aztec king
and screaming really hard the whole time

Simulation of an orgy in a meteorite crater,
an alien runs one frog-skinned finger
up the thigh of a human woman
and then nine months later Amelia Earhart is born

The camera travels inside the penis of Michelangelo's
David, we see that it is full of glowing sperm
and each sperm has the blank black eyes of an alien

Simulation of an alien crying a single tear
because he heard people didn't believe in him,
that tear becomes a flood that wipes out all humanity



Sandy Longhorn said...

Wonderful post/poem!

Hope you are feeling better and avoid the germs for the near future.

Tricia said...

By dangit I will try

JMH said...

God I love poets.

If you ever make a book, or maybe you have made a book (send it to me, I'll pay for it...[oh, I'll pay for it all right {what does that mean (is this the proper absurd usage of parentheses and question marks?)?}]), I would like a copy of that book, inscribed:

Dearest Jon,

This is my book.

And then you autograph and send it off.

Patricia Lockwood said...

YES I will do that, when I finally get a book! I am already planning on drawing little pigs with snouty snatches on the books of anyone who asks

Patricia Lockwood said...

Whoa I got a full name somehow

ron hardy said...

O my god Patricia Lockwood. I had almost the exact same images on a viewmaster card when I was twelve. They were in 3-d and scary real. It was called something like Candy-apple Chariots of the Gods.

Patricia Lockwood said...


I feel like I'm getting yelled at by the principal

jorg wobblington lopez said...

You are hilaire and brill.

Patricia Lockwood said...

You're the only one who knows it