ANCIENT ALIENS: 10PM Thursdays on the History Channel
Cloud shadows racing over Stonehenge
Cloud shadows racing over a Mayan pyramid
Cloud shadows racing over the Great Wall of China
Reenactment of natives shading their eyes against
an unbelievable brightness—what are they so scared of? Aliens
Footage of whirling galaxies
Closeup of a rain-stained gargoyle
[Panflute]
A professor of aliens appears, he speaks, “Am I saying
it was definitely aliens? No. Am I saying
there's a chance it was definitely aliens? YES”
Footprints disappearing up a sand dune
Sped-up crowd in downtown Tokyo at night
A butterfly lands in slow motion on the Rosetta Stone
Reenactment of a druid baring his chest while lightning flashes
[Crack of thunder]
Slow movement of a camera over a photograph to make the people seem alive
Is it possible that Ken Burns learned this technique...from aliens?
Glowing numbers and symbols swirl across the screen for no reason
Is this what it's like to be inside a mind...inside the mind of an alien
My Suggestions for Future Shows
Simulation of an atom bomb blowing up an Easter Island statue
while Hitler laughs and laughs, the camera pans down
and you see that “Hitler” is actually a hat that an alien is wearing
Simulation of JFK being stabbed with the point of a sundial,
an alien is doing it but he is dressed as an Aztec king
and screaming really hard the whole time
Simulation of an orgy in a meteorite crater,
an alien runs one frog-skinned finger
up the thigh of a human woman
and then nine months later Amelia Earhart is born
The camera travels inside the penis of Michelangelo's
David, we see that it is full of glowing sperm
and each sperm has the blank black eyes of an alien
Simulation of an alien crying a single tear
because he heard people didn't believe in him,
that tear becomes a flood that wipes out all humanity
[Panflute]
9 comments:
Wonderful post/poem!
Hope you are feeling better and avoid the germs for the near future.
By dangit I will try
God I love poets.
If you ever make a book, or maybe you have made a book (send it to me, I'll pay for it...[oh, I'll pay for it all right {what does that mean (is this the proper absurd usage of parentheses and question marks?)?}]), I would like a copy of that book, inscribed:
Dearest Jon,
This is my book.
And then you autograph and send it off.
YES I will do that, when I finally get a book! I am already planning on drawing little pigs with snouty snatches on the books of anyone who asks
Whoa I got a full name somehow
O my god Patricia Lockwood. I had almost the exact same images on a viewmaster card when I was twelve. They were in 3-d and scary real. It was called something like Candy-apple Chariots of the Gods.
PATRICIA LOCKWOOD PATRICIA LOCKWOOD PATRICIA LOCKWOOD
I feel like I'm getting yelled at by the principal
You are hilaire and brill.
You're the only one who knows it
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