Friday, November 26, 2010

Christmas Begins...NOW

My family has decided to a do a White Elephant Gift Exchange for Christmas this year which is such a bad idea--I believe, no lie, that it will end in a literal fistfight. It wouldn't be the first time! My aunt once broke my uncle's rib in the course of a "friendly game." This was a long time ago, though, and I don't really remember it, although a photo does exist of me and my cousin at this legendary gathering. I am smiling beatifically at the camera, an Easter basket in my hand, and my cousin is squatting behind me taking a secret, effortful dump in the garden. Our parties are the best! Anyway, no one asked for my opinion about this White Elephant business so to get revenge I chose as my contribution a Circus Hobo Clown Band:


One gold saxophone
One gold trumpet
One monkey, clad in a red diaper
One tambourine
One hobo who plays the accordion
One hobo who plays the drums
Priceless music that emanates 
from a small machine inside the stage

It is so good, it is such a good present. And why stop there, I thought, and additionally purchased a Hobo Clown with Squirting Sunflower:


One hobo clown with umbrella hat
One sunflower with squirting capabilities

If you are a family member who reads this blog, consider yourself warned--this is my gift to you. Although if you're the sort of person who reads this blog, you might actually want a Circus Hobo Clown Band, to display in your home as art. I know I do! I want it so bad it gives me a physical pain, and I may end up keeping it. I always choose gifts that I myself would like to receive, much to the sorrow of any person who has ever gotten a gift from me ever.


M-----l said...

This is the worst idea anyone has ever had in our long history of bad holiday-related ideas. And the person who came up with it won't even be there to get the broken rib she clearly deserves for suggesting it. It's not fair.

I'm either giving a fat black dildo or an amateur painting of a boy and his puppy. I'm going back and forth between the two and haven't decided yet.

Tricia said...


Please get something super-awful; I look forward to the chaos we will sow together. Plus I probably would like that puppy picture

Whimsy said...

Yes, I say Yes. I always wanted to be in one of those families that regifted a dried fruit platter to one another. But, this is better. Except that a quarter of the gifts I receive from my family are already inadvertently in this category.

Have you ever clicked on the wheelchair guy? It sounds like Jacky Chan is reciting his Social Security number under water.

Rad said...

Where's the Christmas spirit? I thought it was a Yankee swap, where you add a gift you'd like to receive. If it's a white elephant, where you bring something you already own, I marvel at what you have lying around.

Tricia said...

Oh, is it a Yankee swap? Mom kept calling it a White Elephant. Really, Rad, have you met me? This IS a gift I'd like to receive.


Anonymous said...

I don't want hte hobo clown circus. I want the ghost pirate riding a manta ray.

It's real!

Or the Ghost pirate whale skeleton that fires missiles.

Tricia said...

There's also one of a WOLF SHAMAN that if I don't get for Christmas I will SCREAM

ButtonHole said...

Really, I thought it was most unfair to mention the photo of your cousin taking a dump and not post it. No one likes a tease.....