Christmas Begins...NOW

My family has decided to a do a White Elephant Gift Exchange for Christmas this year which is such a bad idea--I believe, no lie, that it will end in a literal fistfight. It wouldn't be the first time! My aunt once broke my uncle's rib in the course of a "friendly game." This was a long time ago, though, and I don't really remember it, although a photo does exist of me and my cousin at this legendary gathering. I am smiling beatifically at the camera, an Easter basket in my hand, and my cousin is squatting behind me taking a secret, effortful dump in the garden. Our parties are the best! Anyway, no one asked for my opinion about this White Elephant business so to get revenge I chose as my contribution a Circus Hobo Clown Band:

Contents: 

One gold saxophone

One gold trumpet

One monkey, clad in a red diaper

One tambourine

One hobo who plays the accordion

One hobo who plays the drums

Priceless music that emanates 

from a small machine inside the stage

It is so good, it is such a good present. And why stop there, I thought, and additionally purchased a Hobo Clown with Squirting Sunflower:

Contents:

One hobo clown with umbrella hat
One sunflower with squirting capabilities

If you are a family member who reads this blog, consider yourself warned--this is my gift to you. Although if you're the sort of person who reads this blog, you might actually want a Circus Hobo Clown Band, to display in your home as art. I know I do! I want it so bad it gives me a physical pain, and I may end up keeping it. I always choose gifts that I myself would like to receive, much to the sorrow of any person who has ever gotten a gift from me ever.