Oh my God the New Yorker Rejection Robot has learned to make jokes!
Dear Editors,Please consider the attached two poems -- "Blibbity Blibbity" and "Bloo Bloo Bloo" -- for inclusion in The New Yorker. My poems have appeared or are forthcoming in American Letters & Commentary, Boston Review, Cincinnati Review, Hayden's Ferry Review, Notre Dame Review, The Virginia Quarterly Review, and elsewhere. I have a "Gold MFA" from Fake Nowhere University.Thanks for reading,Patricia Lockwood
(Ed. note: Sometimes I make a joke when I send to the really impossible places--it's presumption to send to them anyway; in their minds I am futile and ridiculous, like a toddler playing Car! in a diaper box or a T-Rex trying to finger herself, so why not acknowledge the absurdity of the situation? Also I have an impulse control problem and I can't help it.)
Dear Patricia Lockwood,Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work. Although we regret that we are unable to carry it in the magazine, we think that MFAs from Fake Nowhere University are just as good as those from Iowa.Warmest regards,The Editors
Too cute! I let out an involuntary awww, I felt so proud of that rejection robot. One day it will learn to love me, and I will tongue it all over until it falls down glitching, and rewire its circuits to say Always Yes.