Thursday, March 26, 2009

Further Adventures in Self-Sabotage

My "husband" forced me to apply for a Ruth Lilly Poetry Fellowship last night, because it is free and, in case you weren't aware, a dragon recently breathed on all of America's money, causing it to disappear. The entry form asks you to provide a 250-word introduction to your work, which is about the worst thing you could ever ask me to do. I start off by writing a fake lie about how my poetry is attempting to "dismantle the idiom," spend the next twenty minutes idly typing anagrams of my own name, and before you know it I'm sneaking away to Yahoo! Answers to ask, "Hello I am wondering what are some good fake lies to say about your own poems? BESIDES my poems are attempting to dismantle the idiom?" No one has responded yet, but I'm hoping I'll receive an answer as inspiring as the immortal one posted in response to a question asking, "What is a drawn/undrawn chicken?"

DRAW A CHICKEN THEN UNDRAW IT MEANS ERASE IT

Source(s):

BOK BOK BOK BOK BOK

In the end, I just ended up transcribing the big fight my "husband" and I had later, where he called me a "little whale" who was "standing in the way of my own fame." "What is more famous than a whale?" I wept. Then I typed INTRODUCTION at the top of the page, very huge, and sent the whole packet on its way. Once again, I must predict that I will not win.

10 comments:

Admiral Bird said...

Even your interrogatory weepings are dripping with poetic pentameter: "What is more famous than a whale" is every bit as good an opening line as "There is no frigate like a book." In fact, since it leaves an earnest question up to the reader, it's much better. I say "Lead, follow, get out of the way, or make a pitcher of margaritas." "The revolution will not be televised, but it will end up on youtube."

RHE said...

Both lines, the imperial ice-cream cake line and the ED, have 4 feet, not 5. They are tetrameters (or quadrapeds). From this we can infer that her interrogatory weepings are not dripping with poetic pentameter. They are 20% less drippy than that.

Admiral Byrd Brain said...

It seems that all of my comments turn out to be math problems. I never suspected.

Tricia said...

Schooled, Admiral! RHE is the kind of man Who Will Not Let Foolish Errors Stand. To those of us who love remonstrance, it tempts us to make mistakes on purpose.

Radish King said...

Because of RHE I am terrified to even read ED in a closet much less Wm. S.

ps. Tricia, you will win the golden ticket because I "know people" and I am "connected" and a "popular girl" who never gets milk cartons thrown at me in the lunchroom etc. and also I was a cheerleader and I'm blond and peppy which is irresistable to judges of these types of things.

xoxoxox

pps. I lied about the cheerleader thing.

Rachel McKibbens said...

ahem.
the search is over. i am glad. hi hi hi.

still waiting for the announcement of your pulitzer winning book of hot rods,

rac

Tricia said...

Rebecca, woe that you were not a cheerleader. Your home team would never have lost, with you in the background just spelling out whatever came to mind, things like B-L-O-O-D and W-O-L-F and P-R-O-S-T-H-E-T-I-C A-R-M.

Oh, wow. WOW. Rac, how did you find me? And how did you know I was me? I know what this feeling is called and it is called BLAST FROM THE PAST.

Rachel McKibbens said...

m (of aha) had a poetry site, 'member? and I believe it was there that he published one of yr poems (w/ real name) and it has stuck ever since.

the other day i thought "bam! where can i find more of p's writing?!?!?" i knew there was no way it wouldn't be online. and presto. just as extraordinary as ever.

Jim said...

"a dragon recently breathed on all of America's money, causing it to disappear" <--terrific.

herhie<--where you end up when someone tells you to go therie

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