Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Shall We Play a Game?

Do you remember when "what is the worst recipe" was still a question subject to debate? No longer! The worst recipe is from a cookbook called Joys of Hawaiian Cooking and it goes like this:

CLAM CAKES

1 can minced clams with liquid
pancake mix

Mix enough pancake mix with clams and juice to make a batter. Add water or skim milk if liquid in the can is slight. A beaten egg may be added if desired. Cook as you would for pancakes.

It seems like such an obvious combination, in retrospect! Now, I will soon be leaving for Key West to celebrate my 5th wedding anniversary. (I plan to visit the Hemingway house and have my body rubbed by dozens of polydactyl cats!) If, when I return in one week, I open my comments box and see that a sufficient number of people--say, twenty-five--have expressed a desire to see this dish devoured by my own personal face, I promise to do so and then present you with a photo montage of the event. If double that number of people appear, I promise to pour myself a champagne glass full of raw clam cake batter and drink it while wearing nothing but an Achewood apron and humming the Marseillaise. DO YOUR WORST, my readers--I know there are only five of you!

13 comments:

Shannon said...

That is revolting. EAT IT!

steef said...

Har. I would pay many beads and seashells to see that. Also, please badger the cats until you find one that can count to twenty-four. Out loud. Cat toes, too many!

John B said...

Montage! Oh, it takes a montage!

Or, yes, I would be enthralled to see such an eating occasion.

Admiral Farragut said...

"It Takes a Montage." Wasn't that the title of Hillary Clinton's book? And it does take a montage - just look at Sylvester Stallone training in "Rocky," Rocky II," Rocky III" et al. And no one can deny that eating canned-clam-flavored pancakes for breakfast will require a training montage as well. Does one top them with syrup or horseradish? Or both? Yummy! And the recipe failed to mention if one uses flour batter or cornbread batter. Or even the mighty buckwheat batter. Hollywood waits with vodka-and-cocaine-'bated breath -- GIVE US THE MONTAGE!! WE DEMAND IT!!

Whimsy said...

As much as love you, dear, I *would* like to see you consume at least one of those loathsome concoctions ... so put me among the 25!

I have a book called Unmentionable Cuisine or something like that. It is just jam-packed with execrable fare, including beaver tail, which coincidentally is the Word Verification (well, beaver is) I have to enter to get this posted.

For a large list of wretched food, check out the Gallery of Regrettable Food (http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/index.html) or World's Worst Recipes (http://www.flaneur.org.uk/html/food.html).

Traveling with you in spirit,
Whims

Adam said...

I am ashamed to admit that I want there to be fifty comments, not twenty-five.

Anonymous said...

And here I thought I was immune to fetishes... don't expect me to thank you for bringing this one to the surface.

The shame is making me post anonymously.

Let there be 51!

ButtonHole said...

I wouldn't wish a clam pancake on my worst enemy.

Well, wait. I would. But not you. Don't do it!

I may mail some to my worst enemies.

(This recipe should permanently nix the expression, "selling like hotcakes?"

Bill said...

I'm just wondering what became of bates. Haven't heard a thing from or about him since his last post at PFFA. Delete this if you want.

King Lackanookie said...

I question the veracity of this recipe's origins. I cannot believe that the people who gave us mahi-mahi, pineapples, surfing, and such lovely shirts also invented canned-clam pancakes. It is an insult to their culinary culture.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but spam is the state delicacy

Jimmy? said...

please... please eat it!

The Wrong Shirt said...

I vote for Eat It. Verily, I do.