Come back, I'm still alive! Elegant Choice is also alive, in his way, and feeling a bit better. Do not fear, when he does die I will liveblog his hilarious funeral for you, like so:
8:00 PM: The organist begins playing "Rictus Face, Rictus Face," a funeral march composed especially for the occasion.
8:02 PM: At the exact moment the final chord is sounded, a Baby Alive is hanged from the highest point of the church's ceiling, to signify the child we'll never have.
8:03 PM: My niece, wearing the same flower-girl dress she wore at our wedding, walks solemnly down the aisle and flings handfuls of her own hair at the weeping guests.
8:05 PM: A miniature man climbs a potted orange tree and defecates a pre-inserted rope of pearls on the altar.