Sunday, May 18, 2008

In Which I Twirl My Fingers in a Week-Old Fray

I missed this uproar while I was away, but I feel compelled to weigh in anyway. I read the original comments right before I left town, and I remember thinking, "Ah! Barf-o is a term you don't hear nearly enough these days, let us hope it re-enters spoken circulation!" (Then again, you're talking to the person who recently expressed a desire to see Philip Schultz murdered by a telegram, so perhaps I'm not the best judge of What Is Okay to Say.) It would be disingenuous of me to be all RAH RAH I SEE NO PROBLEM HERE PLEASE SWALLOW ALL COMPLAININGS when I had such a wonderful experience with VQR, but that's kind of my point: I had a wonderful experience with VQR, and I'm a total nobody. I have no book, my list of publication credits is relatively short, I have no MFA, I never even went to college. My submitting style is best described as "babyish." Allow me to draw your attention to this would-be submission envelope, which betrays my inability to write two words in succession without freaking out completely:

What does a lowercase e look like? Is it maybe about
an inch long and totally invisible?

I'm slush to the core, basically. So I have trouble picturing the VQR readers as bad bastard sniggerers dressed in fake king robes and Burger King crowns who smoke cigars that are actually author fingers and add each new submission to the bonfire as soon as it arrives. I just don't see it.

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