A lizard in the midst of flames, a firebrand
that is life, asbestos-eyed asbestos-eared, with tattooed nap
and permanent pig on
--from "His Shield"
How, you might be wondering, is that amazing lizard surviving those flames? Maybe because instead of eyeballs, he has mesotheliomas. Maybe because instead of the more typical head-ears, he has two giant flame-retardant ones on his chest. Maybe because his crotchtoo is a constant source of spiritual and physical refreshment. And maybe, just maybe, because he is walking around on a cushy pair of imperishable pigs. Now, think how satisfying that bacon would be.