The Eyes, the Not-Eyes, and the Eyesight

Internet I love you and I need your help.

Elegant Choice went to the eye doctor the other day and the news was very bad: he has developed a rare* kind of cataract in both his eyes, and he is going blind. He needs total lens replacements as soon as possible.

I asked him to write it out for you. Here is what happened:

"I began to notice significant deterioration in my vision in both eyes a couple weeks back, so I scheduled an appointment with an ophthalmologist.  By the time I went to see him, my right eye registered little more than the shape and color of my surroundings, while my left eye was still functional for basic tasks like driving and reading, though increasingly blurry. (This is especially troubling since 100 percent of my job is reading.)

The ophthalmologist found posterior subcapsular cataracts in both eyes. This is a kind that shows up in people with untreated Type 1 diabetes (which I don't have) or hardcore steroid users who inject human growth hormone into their bottoms (which I ... do not do.) These cataracts can develop in a matter of weeks or months, and they're famous for quickly getting worse, which is why I need surgery as soon as possible.

The good news: My DESCENT INTO BLINDNESS is reversible through a series of four surgeries, two per eye, starting with the right. The surgeon opens the eye, then slips in a little tool to shatter the existing lens and cataract. The shattered lens is sucked out and replaced with an implant called an intraocular lens. I go home and wait a few weeks, during which time my eye begins to incorporate the implant, and scar tissue forms. Then I go back in for an outpatient laser surgery to remove the scar tissue. Then we do it all again with the left.

If all goes well, I'll see like a 50-year-old with bifocals for the rest of my life. And the cataracts won't come back, because these implants can't develop them.        

The bad news: The multiple surgeries are spaced over several months to allow for healing, during which time my vision is in a state of serious flux. And the whole process costs a lot of money because of my unique situation -- I require the expensive lens implants because I have an unusual type of cataracts, but since I don't have Type I diabetes and I'm not an 80-year-old, insurance companies only cover a small portion of the procedure. And also for that reason, I have to pay up front.

Right now, my first surgery is scheduled for June 27, but I might be able to expedite it if I can get the money together sooner. The procedures cost about $5,000 per eye, for a total of $10,000."

$10,000 is a pre-op estimate; the surgeries may end up costing slightly more or less. (I'll update the post later in the week with an exact breakdown of costs.) The lens implants are called TECNIS, which is EXTREMELY from the future as conceptualized by the year 1981. We watched an instructional video about the surgery and it was so sad because it was all footage of 90-year-olds holding up magnifying glasses to the phone book, and the voiceover kept saying things like, "You'll be able to go boating ... and do your Watercolors again!" We kept collapsing into inappropriate laughter every time a man turned to the camera and said, "I thought I would never see a golf ball again -- or my wife's face." IT WAS REALLY DEPRESSING, but it is also really beautiful that we live in an age where we can basically implant space glass into an editor's eyeballs so he does not have to go blind forever.

Actual quote from the brochure: With the TECNIS Multifocal Lens, you may comfortably enjoy activities like reading a menu in a dimly lit restaurant, taking a walk at dusk, or even driving at night. Then there is a pic of a ballin' dude reading the FUCK out of a menu in an outrageously dark restaurant to his hot bride:

I posted about it on Twitter because I was basically losing my mind with worry and the outpouring of support was astonishing; people suggested that I do this so I am doing this because they wanted to help, which made me cry, and some quote about the color purple, if you walk past the color purple in a field and do not make it donate money to you so your husband can stop going blind, then you are being pretty mean to God.

(As I understand it.)

ALSO, my friend forever Greg has volunteered to contribute some HORSE_EBOOKS GLASSES to the cause, so if you donate you will be entered to win one! 

Here is the button.

ETA: OH WHOA STOP DONATING YOU DUDES RAISED THE FUNDS IN LIKE 12 HOURS WTF HOLY HELL THANK YOU

HUGE thanks to @kathrynborel, @colsonwhitehead, @slennonhugs and anyone else I am forgetting for helping me figure out how to set this up when I had no idea what to do!


* ETA: Apparently the cataracts themselves are not rare -- it's just highly uncommon for a 30-year-old to develop them. Sorry for the imprecision!