Monday, March 07, 2011

Why, What's YOUR Definition of "Every Single Day"?

You get two E.T. letters today because I was so lazy last week, plus for free I'll throw in one unit of Fan Art!

Dear E.T.

I have Braces.
I Got them yesterday.
I am home from
School because my
mouth. is sore.
I am seven years
do you have teeth?

From John

Pure poetry, From John. 7-year-olds, never change. He included this...visible seizure along with the letter:

Well. I hope E.T. did not write this child back with any dishonest encouragement. If only we had braces for spatial intelligence, John! I would clamp them on you so fast, tighten them twice a month, and charge you a million dollars.


Dear Mr. Spielberg, (ed. note: hoity-toity! look who's 73 1/2 and can tell the difference between puppets and Men)

I am a little old lady 73 1/2 and I went to see your movie E.T. I loved the movie, but when you pushed my "cry button," I lost my two contact lenses that I have to wear after cataract surgery. Since they cost $325 each, I thought just MAYBE you would like to help me pay for two new ones. Oh yes, I also had to pay $1.50 (Senior admission) to see the movie, but since I didn't "see" the whole movie, I'm out that too. It will cost me another $1.50 to see it again. After I lost the lenses, I missed about 20 minutes of the movie.

Mrs. Vera Binder

CRY BUTTON. (I have one of these. It's not where you think it is.) 73 1/2-year-olds, ALSO never change. Never stop writing Steven Spielberg to ask him for 650 glaucoma dollars plus $1.50 Senior admission. Mrs. Vera Binder we love you, thank you for giving birth to us. Are you by any chance married to the elderly gentleman who once left a long message at the local newspaper complaining that the papers delivered each morning to his lawn were "full of bugs," which he speculated had been placed there on purpose by Stuart News employees, each presumably with his hand in a writhing bucket full of insects generously provided by the paper itself, plucking out plump grasshoppers and beetles and tucking them in amongst the weather, the lottery numbers, and the long-eared ads for spaniels? Because he would also like a refund. TELL ME IT IS SO.


Whimsy said...

Is that an apple in the belly of a transparent ET?

beth coyote said...

I have a cry button too!!!! {{{press press}}}} Let the waterworks begin.

Patricia Lockwood said...

Whimsy! I wondered the same thing, and then I wondered if I had ever even SEEN E.T., because I vaguely do remember him eating a tomato at one point and then I also remember a croup tent and THAT IS ALL. Maybe this child had the same experience