Saturday, January 10, 2009

I Urge You to Subscribe

I entered a contest today, which I hardly ever do because I am poor. I'll never win this one, though, because as I sat staring in despair at my boring cover letter I felt compelled to cross out Sincerely yours and write Extremely warm next to it. Extremely warm! I haven't laughed so much in days. It is self-sabotage, maybe, much like the huge drawing of naked Abraham Lincoln I enclosed with my last Paris Review submission, to remind a certain Dan Chiasson of our bitter fake enmity. I am not kidding, that submission was returned in four days tops. My deepest apologies, Paris Review, but it turns out that sending submissions is boring. When I finally launch my own magazine, I will require people to include two animal drawings on every submission: an animal having sex with the title and an animal giving birth to the last line. I will call it Articulated Animal Bones and I'll probably just go ahead and publish every submission I get.






9 comments:

RHE said...

You do not want to see my drawings, and you would publish every poem I sent you if I promised not to include any. I still draw, not just stick-figure people, but stick-figure houses and stick-figure birds in the skies above them, stick-figure animals, and stick-figure sticks. Not everyone can draw, and some people should be barred from trying. On the other hand, I have already prepared my entry for your Contributors' Notes: "When Epstein was born, his community hoped he would be the Messiah. They remain unconvinced."

Tricia said...

No exceptions, Richard! I demand reproductive animal art from all.

Collin Kelley said...

I'm totally in love with Tricia at this very moment.

Tricia said...

Awww Collin, I wooed you with Art!

Valerie Loveland said...

I would definitely subscribe to your magazine.

Tricia said...

Oh, I'll probably just give it away for free.

Adam said...

i am bemused by the pigglies' genitalia and the expression of the coitus pig at the top.

i also love the poem for the purpose of illustration. i would publish it in a red hot second.

Tricia said...

I'm so glad you said that, because that is secretly my favorite fake poem I have ever written.

Adam said...

i am glad to make you glad. it gladdens me.