Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Oh No, an Emotion
Can you cheer me up? I feel THE WORST, like there is a Goodwill inside me filled with the wedge shoes of the dead and hundreds of stained copies of Tuesdays with Morrie. Neglected babies wail in the background. The ugliest lamp in the world crashes to the floor. The one-legged grandmother who knocked it over is sent to prison for the rest of her life. Which is only three days.
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Brad, a guy on the local beach just couldn't make it
with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard
tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him.
"Dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing
them baggy old swimming trunks that make you look
like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best
bet is to grab yourself a pair of Spandex Speedos - about
two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down
inside 'em. I'm tellin you man...you'll have all the babes
you want!"
The following weekend, Brad hits the beach with his
spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato
and for cryin' out loud! - it's worse than before!
Everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by,
covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking
sick! So Brad goes back to the lifeguard again and asks
him, "What's wrong now?"
"Jeezzzzz!" says the lifeguard.......
"The potato goes in front!!"
A vegetable hemorrhoid is just what I needed! You know me better than I know myself.
Potatoes, you say?
Two women are digging potatoes in a field. One woman holds up two potatoes and says, "Hey. These remind me of my husband's balls."
The other woman says, "What, so your husband has really big balls?"
"No. But they sure are dirty."
Jilly, look what you started!
LOL.
What do you get when you cross a potato with a penis?
A dictator.
ps my friend Marge started it. She told me that first joke.
Let's see a Tricia drawing of those potatoes, go on!
Potatoes are too hard! With their roundness and their brownness and their LUMPS.
You described perfectly the kind of day I'm having today.
I just go to bed early and hope to start over tomorrow.
Go to bed EARLY, what kind of heresy are you talking?
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