Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Computer Poem for Mary Ruefle

Picture Mary Ruefle in a forest, alone, her hair nestily
arranged by the birds. Wearing what? A gold wood 
grain and a few green leaves. "I have been in the forest 
for forty years, it is time to send a message to the out-
side world." She takes her knife and carves a computer 
completely out of wood. She raises her hands to type 
a poem. When the poem is finished she "prints it out" 
on a piece of paper still inside a tree. "Now I need 
an email address," she thinks. "It is after all the Modern
Day." Many places in the forest want to be her email
...............address but after much thought she chooses
ababysparrowopeningitsbeaktogetaworm@arealtree.com.
She sends the tree with the poem inside it to The faraway
New Yorker. "I'ma gonna pooblish this," says Paul Muldoon, 
running a hand thru his bangs! "I'ma gonna set this poem 
to music," he says, and starts strumming a guitar that is 
still inside a tree. Inside the tree feels like it's ROCKING 
OUT and it trembles like a thing in leaf. Sasha Frere-Jones 
reviews the song, he loves it so much and he says it sounds 
"like worms being dropped in the mouth of a sparrow, except 
this is a metaphor, so the worms are notes and the open mouth 
is the public's hunger for excellent music!" Mary Ruefle receives 
news of this in her email inbox. "Thank God for the internet," 
she laughs, and by internet she means a living tree 
...........sucking silver water up itself from the rained-on ground.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Public Art Continues to Be Terrible, Amazing: Part 2

OH MURALS

 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Foreshortening is a disease that affects millions 
of children every year. They lose limbs to it 
in the sickest way possible. If your children
are painted then THEY ARE AT RISK


What are the two hardest things, in art? 
Foreshortening and painting a jean

One day I will have a Tumblr called
Fuck Yeah Jeans Are Hard to Paint
and it'll just be pictures of YA bookcovers
from the 80s and 90s where the artist 
failed so hard to paint stonewash 
with any realism whatsoever

BUT MAINLY WILL YOU 
LOOK AT THAT HAND

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Public Art Continues to Be Terrible, Amazing

This is a local yearbook. OBVIOUSLY this is a local yearbook:


SUP EVERYBODY what are you
I am a muscular jaguar gym teacher
wearing a tight red polo

 Question for kids: are you masturbating 
to a magazine? No you're not, 
you're masturbating to a JAGAZINE

PAWS AND CLAWS