What? WHAT?

My first draft of this was horrifying--I made the pig's head and legs out of bacon as well, and the result was not fit for human eyes. Unlike this version, in which the pig is having a good time, all prancing in place while a smile plays over his porky features, all feeling the wind in his bacon sails! He has a sweet secret, but he'll never tell, because he lives in a bottle and is partially dead.

ITEM

Elegant Choice makes fun of me for putting cream in my tea. I thought that was what tea wanted, to have cream in it. He has even tried to undermine me by "accidentally" purchasing half-and-half when he goes to the store alone. It tastes like poison--the poison of insubordination. Maybe I'll move to England, where cream is taken seriously. There is even a Chart! There are Rules!

Restrictions on the use of certain names of cream

6.—(1) The name which appears in column 1 of the table in paragraph (2) below shall not be used in the labelling of any cream as the name of the cream, whether or not qualified by other words, unless the cream complies with the requirements specified in column 2 below opposite that name except that the relevant requirement as to milk fat content need not be complied with if the name contains qualifying words which indicate that the milk fat content of the cream is greater or less than that specified in column 2 of paragraph (1) of this regulation, as the case may be.

It doesn't even make sense, which is what I like. It's settled; I will move to England and live by her Cream Rules forever.

Enjoy ALSO My Grippy Piggies, I Mean Look at Those Things

I have made an important discovery: my new camera takes little videos! I have often thought of setting up a Lady at Work webcam, which would feature me staring huge-pupilled into my monitor while I compiled long lists of animal metaphors, but this is much more convenient. In the meantime, please enjoy a picture of me dancing with my Universe Friend. I'm sure she wouldn't mind appearing here in her entirety, but what sensible person would not prefer her photographic face to be replaced with a morsel of space? Please also enjoy the portraits in the background, and my laser eyes, which neither God nor man has the power to correct.

Happy Valentine's Day!

TOTAL CHAOS FOREVERMONTH: Dean Young

Who wouldn't want to be raised by a wolf?

--Dean Young, "Ghost Gash"

There you go. That's my idea of what rebellious teenage wolf clothing looks like. In real life, they're probably dressing up in hypersexualized shepherdess costumes, but guess what? My skills have limits.

TOTAL CHAOS FOREVERMONTH: Dean Young

Wolf barf.

--Dean Young, "Learn by Doing"