He Wants to Be a Weatherman When He Grows Up

Allow me to flash a serious ass for a minute--I don't normally post personal stuff on this blog, but this is important. Just before Christmas, my sister's longtime boyfriend was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He turned 20 last week, and started chemo a few days later. A few people are running to raise money for his treatment. If you're interested, you can donate to his cancer fund. Alternately, you could decorate your torso with his huge face. My design, obviously.



Apologies to Wallace Stevens, as always. Thanks for your attention.

Brain on a Raft in the Middle of the Sea

Just what it sounds like, really.

Hellmouth Blows a Bubble, Part Two

I will return to illustrating poems soon--I guess--but for now, please enjoy a hammerhead shark! He lives in the sea.

Look Out, I Think I Just Won a Hugo

Behold the cover of my unwritten fantasy novel Hellmouth Blows a Bubble. I have often wondered why so much digital artwork is populated with dragons and elves and mystic eyes and spirits of the air in fairy panties. The answer is: because it wants to be. Look! I meant to draw an animal picnic, but this is what you get.

FINALLY

A new camera means that I may at last resume posting pictures of myself sexin' the inanimate in whatever way I choose. Today: the tail end of a walrus figurine, still warm from a child's hand!

TOTAL CHAOS FOREVERMONTH: Fady Joudah

Are you a tiger or a martyr to deforestation?

--Fady Joudah, "The Onion Poem"

Corel Painter Essentials is described as the "hobbyist" version of Painter, which I didn't really understand when I began drawing with it, because I had previously been using MS Paint, and, well, "hobbyist" is a relative term. I received Corel Painter X for Christmas, though, and I doubt I will ever recover from the shock. What are you trying to do, Corel? Hospitalize me with choices? Currently I am exploring the "Furry" and "Flame" brushes, so expect to see a number of animals on fire in upcoming weeks.

Your Mistress Returns with a Freezy Botty

My copy of VQR arrived when I was out of town, so Elegant Choice brought it with him when he flew into Cincinnati on the 26th. This unhappily led to it being passed around to my family members, which unhappily led to some grandmotherly speculation that I had "been inspired by seeing a statue of a famous scientist, such as Newton." So close, Grandma! Excellent woman! And you will hardly believe my good fortune, but the very same day I was treated to a motherly disquisition on the topic of Art and Realism:

MOM: Some would say that the Impressionists didn't paint the most realistic pictures, but in time we came to accept them, and now we think, who could improve on, uh, Monet?

Anyway, the issue is beautiful--Chris Ware gave it a magnificent face and contributed a small section to its intestine, and you will also be overjoyed to encounter a certain de la Paz in its pages. My poems are only available in reality, so you must touch a copy with your true hands if you want to read them. Or, if that doesn't appeal to you, you can call my grandmother and receive a summary which exceeds the virtues of the actual poems in every possible regard.

Additionally, I return to you richer in the following things: sneakers, cameras, and MAGICAL MONEY POUCHES. One day Elegant Choice arrived home early from work to discover me devouring information about fairies with a drawstring pouch full of quarters in my lap. "What...are you doing?" he gamely asked. "NOTHING," I averred. "Were you playing Magical Money Pouch?" "I was," I confessed, and buried my face in my hands. A few weeks later, a suspicious package arrived. Ask me if I'm wearing it right now.